I’m looking on all the job sites. WHERE ARE ALL THE BLOODY JOBS! It can become relentless, the daily check of the websites and the paper, the calls, the interviews, the second interviews, the psychological tests, the tests in between, the questions, the waiting for the call, the hope, the thoughts that start to pop into your head about ‘what if’ I get the job and all the things I can do with the money and so forth, the rejection, the sadness, the amount of strength it takes to say to yourself ‘be strong another one will pop up,’ the guts it takes to keep going once you feel like your self esteem has been shattered into a million pieces, the ups, the downs, the in betweens, the guilt you feel, the embarrassment that creeps inside you when old friends from school ask how you are doing and you make up some lame story, the worthlessness that you try to push away when your friend or boyfriend asks you to do something but you don’t have enough cash.

I have been thinking about just getting a normal job and doing work experience in between. Logical thinking! Although if you do voluntary work you need to be insured and that costs $100 or so I have heard. I will have to do more proper research into that. Looked on all the job sites for retail jobs. Oh dear. Is it because maybe my confidence has been tweaked a little that I don’t think I can bear the brunt of retail again? Or is just the fact that there are really crappy retail jobs out there at the moment? I could work for a jeweller, oh but then I need experience with jewellery. I could work in a book store! That would be awesome! Oh but they are based in the South and that’s too far away, they won’t give me the job.