I have managed to get myself a job at a local music , DVD and accessories store through a family member of mine who has a friend who works there.
Thank god, i know! So i started off being really perky and i wanted to make friends and make an effort. This is proving harder than once thought.
I forgot the feeling you get when you first start at a new job; You know no-one, no-one is ever honest about anything, and you are so slow its not funny.
I mean i walk in there and i start being all chatty and really friendly and it was great for the first shift, then all of a sudden i get the vibe that i'm pissing people off by talking and that the warehouse bit at the back, where all you do is put stickers on stuff and bag things should be totally silent and i'm interrupting people's work.

I HATE being the new person. And to make it worse, these people are so so different to me. There is noone i click with, which makes working here even tougher. Maybe it is too early to tell, but i am not enjoying my time there. It sucks that i don't click with anyone, normally i always click with someone where i work but this time, everyone is so punky and so serious about their music and games or car stereos that i feel like a total outcast. Like seriously, maybe it is just because i am the new person (well, yeh it is!) but everyone is so snobby. What do i have to do to get a hello around here!?
Don't get me wrong, not everyone is all that bad. There was a lovely guy who was showing me some of the ropes today, and he is such a kind person with such a gentle spirit that i have taken a liking to him.
I think i am just that much more extra sensitive about it because it has been a struggle to get heard this whole year, through the journalism thing, and then when i get a casual retail job where it should be cruisy, i am experiencing the same thing.

I am tired and emotionally drained - not to mention they stuffd up my first pay so i don't have as much money as i thought i would have - typical.
I sound so negative. I am happy that i have this job and that i'm finally getting a pay packet again, maybe in the next few weeks or months it will look up once i get my bearings a bit more.
Are there other people out there struggling just as much as i am? Why must it be so hard to reach our dreams? Is this like an ultimate test kinda thing!?

I’m looking on all the job sites. WHERE ARE ALL THE BLOODY JOBS! It can become relentless, the daily check of the websites and the paper, the calls, the interviews, the second interviews, the psychological tests, the tests in between, the questions, the waiting for the call, the hope, the thoughts that start to pop into your head about ‘what if’ I get the job and all the things I can do with the money and so forth, the rejection, the sadness, the amount of strength it takes to say to yourself ‘be strong another one will pop up,’ the guts it takes to keep going once you feel like your self esteem has been shattered into a million pieces, the ups, the downs, the in betweens, the guilt you feel, the embarrassment that creeps inside you when old friends from school ask how you are doing and you make up some lame story, the worthlessness that you try to push away when your friend or boyfriend asks you to do something but you don’t have enough cash.
I have been thinking about just getting a normal job and doing work experience in between. Logical thinking! Although if you do voluntary work you need to be insured and that costs $100 or so I have heard. I will have to do more proper research into that. Looked on all the job sites for retail jobs. Oh dear. Is it because maybe my confidence has been tweaked a little that I don’t think I can bear the brunt of retail again? Or is just the fact that there are really crappy retail jobs out there at the moment? I could work for a jeweller, oh but then I need experience with jewellery. I could work in a book store! That would be awesome! Oh but they are based in the South and that’s too far away, they won’t give me the job.